Mickey: Completely bizarre problems with SATA drives

I have never seen anything like this.
I have some SATA SSD (Samsung PM883) I wanted to update firmware on, so I dug up some SATA power+data cables, connected everything, started the PC, and there is no SSD in the system (not even in disk management after rescanning). Weird.
So I dug up an old SATA HDD from a notebook, plugged that in, and... nothing. The PC won't even start. The fans move a tiny bit and nothing. I tried with an old PSU I have laying around, and when I connect the HDD, it...

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